Returning to a Truer Self: Positive Changes from 2020
2020 has been a year of heartbreaking loss with centuries of racial injustice, oppression, and violence coming to a head; I could easily make a long list of all the ways 2020 has sucked (as everyone could), but I decided it would be fun and therapeutic to focus on the bright spots of the year and share some of my favorite discoveries and spread some goodness.
I remind myself often that while it’s important to be grateful, it is also important to let myself “feel how I need to feel.” I’ve had plenty of angry and sad moments in 2020 and am not ignoring them, but I’m appreciative of the positive changes from this crazy year and will hold on to them. Before I get into my top five favorite lists for books, recipes, purchases, and films/series, I’m diving into the intangible positive changes in my life:
Reconnecting to my Bookworm Roots
To set the stage for the very brief part of 2020 that wasn’t impacted by COVID (in NYC), I left a job that left me burnt out and sleep-deprived in the middle of February. I had been chugging along at full-speed for years and was beyond exhausted. COVID hit, and while it continues to be all the horrible things we know, I’ve reconnected with a lost part of myself—being a bookworm. For as long as I can remember, I’ve traveled through fantastical, fictional, and real-life places through books. I’ve cried for characters I’ve come to love and have learned invaluable lessons by “living” experiences vastly different from my own through the immense power of novels and non-fiction. I was not consciously aware that something was missing in my life the last few years (apart from adequate sleep), but devouring novels in 2020 has been like reconnecting with a lost lover who understands you completely and fills your life with love.
Food and Fitness
For years I’ve paid for a monthly gym membership in addition to Pilates reformer classes (lifesaver for my back) and would attend boutique fitness classes through Classpass. While I love(d) and miss Pilates and Classpass classes, I’ve learned how easy (and inexpensive) it is to make use of free YouTube classes and low-cost fitness apps and stay in shape. Additionally, I stopped eliminating sugar and carbs from my diet and have learned to embrace a better balance. There’s also something about being in stretchy pants at home 99% of the time that makes the self-induced pressure to get back to my 25-year-old weight that seems a bit silly, and I’m ok with being ten pounds heavier if it means having a healthier relationship with food.
Reevaluating Relationships
As I’ve embraced my early (now mid) 30s and have focused more on the things that truly matter to me, mostly being social change, the environment, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and art, I have little interest in relationships that were based solely on working in the same industry or bonding over a mutual dislike of online dating. Yet, it was COVID that gave me the final push to walk away from friendships that weren’t serving me. My previous hesitation had been based on not wanting to hurt others and a sense of obligation, but once in-person contact was taken away, I felt free not to pursue keeping in touch with those I didn’t want to. While this may sound harsh, it has been freeing, and I think a healthy part of preserving my energy and focus for what and who are truly important to me.
I also returned to doing photography for fun. I realize this may sound odd, but as a working photographer, sometimes you lose the spark to work on personal projects and shoot just for the fun of it when you’re bogged down with client work, editing, client communications, et al.
The reoccurring theme for my “good stuff” of 2020 has been returning to my original artistic and literary loves and stepping away from burn-out and hustle culture. I also love writing here on my blog and picked up basic floral arranging skills as a new hobby. I hope 2021 is filled with kindness, compassion, hope, and health, and I plan to hold on to these changes. I also hope 2021 doesn’t return to normal—I want a better world than before. As one of my favorite authors, Arundhati Roy (author of the incredible The God of Small Things), wrote, “Historically, pandemics have forced humans to break with the past and imagine their world anew….We can choose to walk through it, dragging the carcasses of our prejudice and hatred, our avarice, our data banks, and dead ideas, our dead rivers and smoky skies behind us. Or we can walk through lightly, with little luggage, ready to imagine another world. And ready to fight for it.”
Now onto my top five lists!
Favorite Books
Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants: My dear friend Ruthie bought me this book and it has been life-changing. Never has a book pushed me to view the world and our relationship with nature in an entirely new way. One of the most powerful and important non-fiction books I've read, possibly ever.
The House of the Spirits: Isabel Allende is one of my favorite authors and this is by far one of her most beautiful novels.
A Gentleman in Moscow: The literary references and character development made my heart happy. Excellent story and couldn't put it down.
The Labyrinth of the Spirits: The fourth and final book in the "Cemetary of Forgotten Books" series by Carlos Ruiz Zafón. I rarely read series but Zafón's is incredible. The first book (The Shadow of the Wind) and the fourth are both incredible but #2 and #3 are worth reading to have the full context.
Paris: The Novel: Edward Rutherfurd is an incredibly gifted storyteller. In "Paris" he brilliantly jumps back and forth between centuries as he tells the history of Paris from the 1260s to 1960s through the experiences of six families.
Favorite Recipes (no individual comments here, just YUM for all of them)
Roasted Cauliflower Red Pepper Soup
Saucy Tahini Noodles with "Honey’d" Sweet Potatoes
Apple, Cheddar, & Carmelized Onion Galettes with Buckwheat Crust
Favorite Purchases
Ajna Yoga Bolster Pillow : I've been praciticing yoga regularly for nine years and credit this foundation for providing me with the tools to understand and value the mind-body connection and prioritze a daily practice to getting through scary, sad, and overwhelming times. Until 2020 hit, I preferred practicing at my neighborhood studios New York Yoga and Five Pillars Yoga and my original home studio, the now closed Sacred Sounds Yoga in Greenwich Village. I rarely practiced at home but now that practicing at home has become my routine, having beautiful, supportive, high-quality and eco-conscious yoga props has become a wonderful addition to my home.
Aaptiv : I cannot praise this app enough! Aaptiv is $100 for the full year and I've gotten in better shape doing their HIIT, strength trainting, and yoga classes than I have working out in gyms. They have sales fairly often and I paid $50 for the full year.
Sweaty Betty Power 7/8 Workout Leggings : These are THE most flattering and amazing feeling workout pants EVER. They aren't see through, they stay in place, the compression feels great with running and cardio, and I love the pocket that perfectly holds my iPhone. I will happily live in these for the rest of my life.
Lodge Dutch Oven : I started making crusty delicious bread, as did many New Yorkers, this spring and loved how simple it was with this Dutch oven. While I would love a Le Creuset one, snagging this on-sale for $60 was a wonderful budget-friendly option. Also, major shoutout to a college friend I haven't seen in almost 13 years who insisted on mailing me yeast after seeing my Facebook post that I couldn't find any near me, thanks Jennifer Dickey, you are THE sweetest!
Tabletop V-Flats : Until NYC shutdown I rarely did product shoots or styled shoots for fun. It's funny to think how eight months later, the majority of my client and personal work has become that this year. I love doing flatlays and creating styled spreads for various publications and brands. I use natural light whenever possible but having v-flats to fill in shadows and bounce light is key. They were used in these photos below.
Favorite Films & Series (these are not new to 2020 but what I watched this year)
Pan's Labyrinth: Pure brilliance and beauty. Not going to say more because it should be watched vs. written about.
A Call to Spy: History is written by men and there are too few stories that are told about women throughout history. I loved this film, based on real women who gave and risked their lives to serve as spies in WWII.
13th: Ava Duvernay is brilliant as always. Difficult to watch but extremely important.
Schitt's Creek: The cast is brilliant and it is laugh-out-loud funny. If you haven't watched it already, GO. It is good for the soul.
Planetarium: Natalie Portman is captivating in this and the story is a bit weird (in a perfect way). Extremely thought provoking and depicts Paris during an interesting time leading up to WWII.
I’d love to hear what changes you made in 2020 that you plan to hold on to. What have you reconnected with or discovered? Feel free to comment below or email me—I’d love to hear from you!